Why So Many Men Avoid Couples Counselling (And Why It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way)

Let’s be honest, most men don’t exactly jump at the idea of couples therapy.

For a lot of guys, the thought of sitting on a couch and talking about feelings sounds… uncomfortable at best, and threatening at worst.

And yet, so many relationships are stuck in this painful loop:

You love each other, but you argue all the time.

Or worse, you’ve stopped talking altogether.
She says she doesn’t feel heard. You feel like you can’t do anything right.
You’re both walking on eggshells or living like polite housemates.

And every time the word “therapy” comes up, your gut says, Nope. Not doing that.

I get it. I really do.

There are a lot of reasons men avoid couples counselling, and they’re not stupid reasons. They make sense. But they also keep you stuck.
So let’s cut the noise and name them.

1. You don’t want to be blamed

A lot of men worry that therapy will just be another place they’re told they’re wrong. That it’ll be two against one, their partner and a therapist ganging up, dissecting every mistake they've made.

And yeah — if that’s what therapy was like, I wouldn’t want to go either.

But good therapy isn’t about blame. It’s about seeing the dynamic you’re both caught in, and figuring out how to break it.

Some therapists (like Terry Real, whose work I draw from) do take sides — but only when one person is behaving in a way that’s actively damaging the relationship. And they don’t leave it there. They help you do something about it.

So if you're shutting down, people-pleasing, stonewalling, or raging, yeah, we’ll talk about it. But it won’t be about shaming you. It’ll be about helping you show up differently, in a way that actually works.

2. Talking about feelings feels... off

Most men didn’t grow up being taught how to express emotions. You might feel like you don’t even have emotions half the time, and when you do, they come out in frustration or withdrawal.

And if your partner’s already upset with you, opening up can feel like giving her more ammo. Why make yourself vulnerable when you’re already under fire?

But in a decent couples session, vulnerability isn’t about sobbing into a cushion.

It’s about getting real. Saying what you actually want. Naming what’s really going on underneath the silence, the sarcasm, or the snappiness.

And learning how to do that without it ending in a fight.

3. You’re not sure it’s bad enough

Men are masters at powering through. You think, “Yeah, things are tense. But it’s just a phase.”

Or maybe you’re thinking, "As long as we’re not splitting up, we’re okay."

But “not splitting up” isn’t the same as being happy. You can be surviving a relationship that’s slowly falling apart without even noticing. And often, when one partner finally says, “I’m done,” the other one is completely blindsided. Therapy doesn’t have to be a last resort. In fact, it works better the earlier you go.

It’s not about fixing a disaster, it’s about preventing one.

4. You don’t want to fail

A lot of men see asking for help as failure. Especially in relationships. You’re meant to be the strong one. The provider. The problem-solver.

But here’s the truth:

Dragging on in a relationship that’s stuck isn’t strength. Facing it head-on and doing something about it, is.

Going to therapy doesn’t make you weak.

It makes you brave enough to say, “This matters. And I want to make it better.”

5. You think it’ll make things worse

Let’s be real, a lot of guys are afraid that therapy will stir everything up and make things more tense.

What if she brings up stuff from years ago?

What if it ends in a massive row?

What if the therapist takes her side and she decides she doesn’t want to be with you anymore?

But burying problems doesn’t make them go away. It just builds pressure until something explodes.

A good couples therapist won’t let the room become a battleground. They’ll help both of you feel heard. They’ll guide the conversation so it doesn’t spiral.

And they’ll help you move forward with clarity, instead of just reliving the past.

6. You’ve no idea what therapy actually is

Let’s clear this up. Couples counselling isn’t lying on a couch, talking about your mum. It’s not group hugs and crying into a box of tissues.

At least not with me. What I offer is down-to-earth, straight-talking support where we figure out what’s really going on and what needs to change.
We look at the patterns, the communication breakdowns, the resentment, the shutdowns, the mess, and then we work out how to move forward.

Together.

So what now?

If you’ve read this far, maybe a part of you knows something needs to shift. Maybe you’re tired of feeling like the bad guy. Maybe you miss how it used to be, when it felt easier, lighter, more fun.

Maybe you want peace again. Intimacy. Respect. Closeness.

You don’t need to be perfect.
You don’t need to be fluent in therapy-speak.
You don’t even need to know exactly what you want to say.

You just have to be willing to show up.

Because when you do, when you both show up, things can change.

I don’t do fluffy.
I don’t do blame.
And I don’t expect you to turn into a different person.

But I will help you get clear, get honest, and find your way back to each other, if that’s what you both want.

Want to know if it’s the right next step for you? You can get in touch, no pressure, no big leap.

Just a first step.

It might just change everything.