Retroactive Jealousy: The Body Count Isn’t the Issue

You didn’t think it would get to you.

You figured you were mature enough to handle it. Everyone’s got a past, right? You’ve had one too. But now that you know some of the details, how many people she’s been with, or what she did before you came along, you can’t stop thinking about it.

It’s like a film you never asked to see is playing on repeat in your head.

It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating. And no matter how much you tell yourself to let it go, it keeps coming back.

That’s retroactive jealousy.

And if it’s hijacking your peace of mind, whether you’re currently in a relationship or not, it’s time to do something about it.

This isn’t really about her, it’s about what it’s evoking in you

It’s not about how many partners she’s had. Or what she did with them. Or whether they were “better” than you.

It’s about something deeper: that creeping feeling that you’re not enough. That maybe, deep down, you’ll never quite measure up. That you’re second-best.

That part of your brain latches onto the past and spins it into a story, a story where you’re not the man she really wanted.

It’s painful. And it feels real. But it’s not the truth.

Not in a relationship right now?

That doesn’t mean this isn’t your issue.

For some men, retroactive jealousy is the reason they’re not in a relationship. It’s sabotaged things in the past, made them withdraw, get controlling, overthink everything until it falls apart.

If that’s you, here’s the honest truth…

Don’t wait until the next relationship to deal with it.

Because it will show up again. And when it does, it’ll look like the same script, just with a different person.

Now is the time to understand what’s really going on. So when the next relationship comes along, and it will, you’ve already done the work. You’re not caught off guard. You’re grounded, clear, and ready to build something solid.

Most men suffer in silence

I’ve worked with plenty of men who tell me the same thing:

“I know it’s irrational but I can’t switch it off.”

“She’s done nothing wrong and I still feel weird about it.”

“It’s wrecked my head, and maybe my relationship.”

Retroactive jealousy doesn’t make you a bad bloke. It makes you a bloke who needs tools. And a space to figure out what the hell is really going on underneath all that noise.

So what actually helps?

Let’s keep it simple.

• Stop digging for details. There’s no peace there.

• Learn to spot the loop: Thought → anxiety → checking → more anxiety.

• Ask better questions: “What’s this thought trying to protect me from?”

• Work on emotional regulation, not mental gymnastics.

• Get support. Not from a mate who says “just get over it,” but from someone who actually understands what you’re dealing with.

You don’t have to fix the past to feel good in the present

You’ve been picked. You’re in the relationship, or you will be.

You don’t need to keep punishing yourself for things that happened before you were even in the picture.

You just need to stop letting old stories drive the show.

Are you ready to stop going round in circles?

If this hit home, whether you're currently in a relationship or still licking your wounds from the last one, this is your sign to stop dealing with it alone.

You can break the cycle. You can feel calm, confident, and in control again.

I work with men who are ready to stop overthinking and start showing up differently, for themselves, and for the people they love.

Don’t wait for the next relationship to blow up. Sort it now.

Click here to book a free, no-pressure chat.

Let’s get to the root of it, and give you the tools to move forward with peace of mind and a clean slate.